What To Do Now You're Engaged

From My Point of View

Congratulations on your engagement!

Now what?

This isn't a post for an online recipe, so let's dive right in. Right out of the batters box and just a reminder- this is YOUR wedding.

This won't be the last time you see these words.

As a photographer, it would be easy for me to say 'book me first before you do anything else!' That isn't reality though. There are a few steps that need to come before you decide who will be your photographer.

I have had enough friends and clients come to me for advice as they begin planning their wedding. Unfortunately, I have also had people come to me AFTER their wedding to tell me they wish they had done a couple of things differently, especially when it comes to their photographer. Nothing makes me more sad than a bride and groom who put so much effort into creating this day with family and friends only to wish they had done something differently. The main point of this post isn't to give a play by play of how to plan your wedding- there are wiser people out there for that. I want to lend a hand from a photography focused lens (pun intended) with a dash of reality, in hopes to keep you grounded in a process that can be so overwhelming.

So. Let's get into it.

1) CELEBRATe!

You just got engaged! This is a time to pop some corks and enjoy the moment! I have had the great fortune to love a lot of friends and see them get engaged and married. Every time, I say to each of them to start slow. Take some time to REFLECT. This is just the beginning of a new journey. One that will bring its own sets of challenges as a new married couple will face together. Look back on what brought you here and honor this time you have to be in the in-between because, in the best way, things will never be the same.

This is also a great time to DREAM. As big as you want.

What about a wall with a doorbell for Champagne? Wouldn't it be great to actually get a Ring Bear as the ring bearer? What if we got married at Grand Central Station?

Try this exercise: order your favorite takeout, beverages (for me it would be champagne...), and get into your coziest or sexiest outfits. Climb into bed with your fluffy animals and throw ideas at the wall-- either literally or figuratively. Play. Laugh. Cuddle. Find the feeling you want to embody for your wedding and let that be your guide throughout the entire process.

2) make Lists & a Budget

I have an affinity for a big journal and a really smooth roll-ball pen, a white board and a brand new white board marker, or if all else fails, a post it note. I find that the physical act of putting pen to paper is not only satisfying but my brain connects and I remember things much better. Make lists is just a good way of getting it out there visually. You can cross off or circle anything according to your wants and needs. These wants and needs are your list of Non-Negotiables and No-Gos.

Non-Negotiables are your priorities.

• These should be your CORE WANTS and things that align with something similar to a soul's purpose.

No-Gos are what you don't want.

• Not just what you don't what, but things that are strong, IMMEDIATE NOs.

A lot of people already know priorities-- venue, photographer, live band vs. DJ, etc. If you don't, then may try giving your No-Go list a shot first. That way it might be easier to look through the sea of offerings and services out there. The thing to think about for any list is the WHY. Why do you want to have a wedding in fall? Why do you want to have a Live Band? Why should x,y,z lineup to be x,y,z. Finding the WHY should help you find what you truly and authentically desire for your day.

And, the dreaded budget. This is why your Non-Negotiables and No-Gos have to be firm and set in stone. You want to make sure to sit down with your partner, parents, financial advisor, Ramit Sethi if you know him or have his book. I can not tell you what exactly what the biggest expenses will be as this will depend on your Non-Negotiables list. What I can say is that the two you should consider spending more time on are you Venue and your Photographer... stay with me here.

Venue. I mean, you have to get married somewhere - right? Your venue sets the stage. Whether this is for your ceremony & reception, just ceremony, or just reception, you might be creating something from scratch or simply enhancing it. This is what everyone will be working with for the day of. It could just be in the middle of a field or Grand Central Station! (See.... dream big.) This is why your budget and Non-Negotiables are so important.

Photographer. First of all, this is by no means me trying to squeeze as much money out of you as possible. These are the only memories you will have to remember your wedding day forever. This is a huge responsibility for us as artists and business owners that we are willing to take on for you. There is a really big secret I will share with you soon, which makes your photographer that much more important, which I promise to share soon so stick with me.

3) Wedding style + theme

This may see small but this could be very helpful with making a lot of big decisions like your venue & photographer. This could include color scheme, theme, historical or family significance, philosophical or spiritual meaning. These small decisions, just like Non-Negotiables and No-Gos can help guide you to the smallest decision that can make the biggest difference.

Remember-- this is YOUR WEDDING.

4) date + venue

According to your Non-negotiables and No-gos, these might be a little easier to find than you think. However, these two sometime go hand in hand as one may determine the other -- if you have a dream venue that you have made priority number ONE, then you might be have to pick from what they have available. If the date has a special meaning to you and needs to be the top consideration, your venue choices may be limited.

OH.

One thing I would like mention, if I may, for your venue -- lighting. I may have to do another blog post on this because this is already turning into an online blog for Chicken Orzo Pasta. When venue shopping, it is always great to keep in mind which spots have DIRECT vs INDIRECT sunlight. Sometimes, direct sunlight isn't always the best for a ceremony. Just because it has the most sun, doesn't mean it is the best location. Reminder that daylight savings is still a thing for now. Just a couple of pennies because this is my blog and just my own thoughts. {Thank you if you're still with me!}

5) get a coordinator

That's it.

They are your organizers. They are your timekeepers. They are your angels. They are your saviors, waterboys & watergals, problem solvers, gatekeepers, and bouncers. This should be included in your Non-Negotiables. Most venues require a coordinator for your day of but my advice is to have one for the month & day of. The month before is crucial and the day of is pretty obvious. You do not want to be running around on your wedding day, even the day before, trying to track down placards. Get. A. Coordinator. Let us take care of YOU.

6) Photographer - yay! Finally!

Ok, here we go. Here is the secret truth that no one will tell you and why your photographer should be considered one of your biggest investments -

you will only remember one-third of your wedding day.

I have a friend who got engaged this year. She was at a concert seeing her favorite artist with her favorite person, her soon to be fiancé, when he got down on one knee and proposed. She showed me the video and said she doesn't remember the rest of the night.

According to research, our brains prioritize information base on emotional intensity, relevance, and how much attention we have given to something at the time. Meaning that even significant moments, such as your wedding or getting engaged, can begin to fade if you don't take the time to properly process what is happening without distraction. The reason why my friend can't remember her engagement is because her brain was like Oh my god this is happening, look at that ring, the music is loud, the concert is awesome, what is going on, he just rushed down from the bathroom-- literally everything all at once. This is where I come in. I am not just in the market to make sure you have photos to remember your wedding. I want to make sure you SOAK IT IN.

Since this is my blog, I am going to shamelessly plug my process into this write up because I feel very strongly about how I approach working with clients.

Take a breath. Right now. As you read this.

Breath.

Do you feel your shoulders relax more? Your teeth unclench?

It's just a small adjustment but it makes such a big difference. In your attitude, posture, comfort, body language. It changes the feeling. That's what I want you to get out of this whole thing.

A FEELING.

This feeling doesn't just apply to the photography side. Your wedding is YOUR DAY. You should be prioritizing time to make sure everything is being felt, seen, and remembered. Without distraction. Without hesitation. Myself, along with your coordinator, bridal party, family, and friends, are all here FOR YOU. Let us take care of you. You should be doing what you want to be doing for your day.

If that feeling is to enjoy your party, I will let you enjoy the party as much as humanly possible while sticking to your Non-Negotiables. If you want a long portrait session after the ceremony while guests enjoy cocktail hour, I'll let ya'll love on each other behind a bush as long as you'll let me be a creep and capture your hugs and kisses. If you need 10 minutes to decompress, I will work with your coordinator to find a quiet space for you to be alone. You've got me. I've got you.

Ok, just a few more things before we wrap up.

7) Engagement Photos

You've found your photographer! The next thing is to nurture two birds in one nest. I highly recommend getting engagement photos WITH the photographer you have selected for your wedding. This will create continuity and comfortability on your day, which will make you feel so much more authentic and at ease the day of. These photos you can use for all of your invitations, save the dates, website information, etc. Leading me to my next point....

8) Guest List + Save The Dates

A lot of people do the "Save The Date" prior to the actual invitations simply because there is SO much to plan. This is a great way to make sure your guest list can prioritize their own planning and literally save your date. This could be a great way to get creative if you want to keep your invitations more traditonal. You could send a magnet, an e-vite, dish towel, booklet, or canvas bag for them to use during their visit! All part of the dreaming phase to see what sticks.

Guest List. You've probably heard some negative stories about people being offended for not being invited. I won't lie, this can be very stressful. I want to let you know, from an outsiders perspective and from someone who has gotten her 'unfortunately we were unable to include you' conversations, remember -- this is YOUR WEDDING. You're the one investing your money into this. You will have to prioritize your Non-Negotiables and that will not sit well with some people. Some people feel a sense of privilege and 'right' to be at your wedding. No one has a right to be at your wedding other than you and who you decide gets to be there. Certain obligations may arise, yes. This is where everyone's true colors will be unveiled. Communication is key and how you approach it will be very important.

9) Wedding Website

This is a huge help for guests, especially out of towners! You can put ALL of your information on here in one happy place for everyone to refer back to instead of having everyone bug you every 5 minutes while you have bigger things to worry about. I highly recommend using sites like Zola, Joy, The Knot, and Minted. Most of the can also connect to your wedding registry, add schedules for each day if you are having a multiple day event, RSVPs, a photo gallery, things to do and help you plan all in one.

10) HAVE FUN

I think it's probably smooth sailing from here. This is where your wedding website and your coordinator will be the best resources you have at your disposal.

Look, I don't want to say I am the end all be all with wedding planning. I have photographed my fair share, I have worked with my friends, and I have given a lot of input. These are from my perspective and hopefully they have helped you, even just a little bit. Thank you for sticking with me throughout my soap box speech. I really hope this helped you, even in the smallest way! I'd love to work with you soon, if you have any questions please do not hesitate to reach out on my contact form or direct messages on social media. Thank you again!

Remember-- THIS IS YOUR WEDDING.